As teachers, we all dread this inevitable scenario when we have to face-off with an irate or unreasonable parent. Sometimes the child is not a full reflection of the parent, sometimes he is. He’s a good kid, but mom is overbearing and unreasonable with her requests from you. Or, the child’s a sweetheart, but dad is condescending and unmoving in his overreaching expectations of you as a teacher.
Also, we sure know that sometimes administration does not have our backs, so we must do all we can to make sure these conversations go well.
Handling tough parent conversations can be stressful (like sweating bullets stressful), but with the right approach, you can navigate them effectively. Here are 5 things to do:
1. Prepare and plan:
Before the conversation, gather all relevant information and documentation to support your position. Anticipate potential concerns or questions the parent may have and prepare thoughtful responses. It’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen. In my district, we can put everything little Johnny does in the Gradebook. We can make little notes and comments about his behavior and his work ethic. If you cannot, keep a binder with these notes to take down with the student’s work folder to support your claims.
2. Active listening and empathy:
Begin the conversation by actively listening to the parent’s concerns without interrupting. Show empathy and understanding by acknowledging their perspective. Reflect back their concerns to ensure you understand them correctly. This helps build rapport and shows that you value their input.
3. Stay calm and professional:
It’s crucial to remain calm and composed during the conversation, even if the parent becomes upset or confrontational. Respond in a professional manner, using a calm and respectful tone. Avoid becoming defensive or argumentative, as this can escalate the situation. Lawd, sometimes I really want to go off on the parent because they have said some things and corroborated with their child’s lies, but I had to remember I’m the professional and I do like air conditioning and running water. I am not losing my job today!
4. Collaborative problem-solving:
Instead of focusing on blame or finding faults, shift the conversation towards finding solutions together. Ask open-ended questions to encourage the parent to share their ideas and suggestions. Collaboratively explore possible strategies or interventions that could address their concerns. I sometimes have to redirect the parent to a solution. Some parents like to continue talking about the problem, but we must remind them that misunderstandings or life happens to us too. Now, that we “understand” each other and the situation, what can we do to fix the problem. Usually, a resolve happens.
5. Follow-up and documentation:
Now to cover yourself, after the conversation, summarize the key points discussed and any agreed-upon action steps. Follow up with the parent in a timely manner to provide updates on progress or to address any further concerns. Document the conversation and any agreed-upon actions for future reference. After this meeting, I go back to the Gradebook and make my notes, so both admin and parent can see, of the problem arises again.
In the end, the outcome should better fit you and the child. Now, it’ll be a little uncomfortable with you, the administrator, or the child from there on, depending on the relationship you had with any of the involved parties.
Hey, Cher (Yeah, you know of ” ____ and Sonny” fame) said in an interview years ago about if something won’t matter in 5 years, does it matter now? That stuck with me. Yes, we have to stand up for what we believe in and not be run over, setting our boundaries.
However, we also MUST watch out for our mental health. Is this a hill to die on? Will this situation matter in 5 years? If not, let the parent vent and possibly have their way (you need to read the sitatuation because it may empower the student to act even worst in class).
Just keep your head up and don’t let it thwart you from positively affecting and reaching that child or all the others you were charged with this year!
Join my EMAIL list so we can keep giving to our students and changing lives and growing together.
The Angry Teacher 
Leave a comment